I Walked the Race

So...Saturday I participated in the Race for the Cure downtown. For those of you who don't know what that is - it's a race that the Susan B Koman foundation does in Houston in support of finding a cure for breast cancer. I walked with a team - JFA, which is Jamie's Figting Army. It's a team that was put together in honor of Jamie Neslony, who passed away one year today after a long 8-year battle with breast cancer. I walked along side her husband and children, siblings, mother, and many friends - to say the least, it was humbling.

I don't know that it is possible to fully begin to understand what it must be like to lose a mother or child until you are a parent, and then even after that fully understanding is a ways off. I spent a good deal of the time watching Taryn, which is Jamie's only daughter. I was completely blown away by her strength and courage. She is truly a child of God, and one that does and will continue to make her mother so very proud. My heart ached for her because she has no idea what is to come. I've already gone through two major life events that every daughter needs her mother for. Taryn didn't even graduate from college before her mom passed. I know that God only gives us what we can handle, and one look at the Neslony family and you know that is true. We are talking about a husband and four children that are a testament of God's love and strength. These are four people who know that God is taking care of their wife and mother and that believe with all their hearts that they will be taken care of too. I admire everything about this family and know that they are making there mama very proud!

The race for the cure also made me think of something else...my family. Although breast cancer doesn't run in my family, every other type of cancer does, and who know's what the future may bring. I've thought a lot about Taryn and what it must be like to loose a mother...I've also thougt a lot about what's to come for this sweet girl. There are many life events that a daughter needs a mother for...it breaks my heart to know Taryn will have to go through these without hers!

I've walked down the isle and married the man of my dreams. I spent months preparing for that day and hours on the phone with my mama asking questions, getting advice, and needing reassurance. I knew she was a phone call away any time I needed to double check a time or ask once again if my flower choices were going to be pretty. It was my mother and Nana that I went with to get my hair done before my wedding. And it was my mama who I cried with minutes before I walked down the isle. I avoided my mama's eyes becasue I chose to - I had to or I would have been a complete basket case, but this was a choice, Taryn won't get that choice.

It was my mom I called when I found out I was pregnant. It was my mom I called after every doctor's apointment to tell her my weight gain, or the measurements of the baby, and any more big news. It was my mom and Jimmy's mom in the obgyn's office the day that we found out we were having a boy. It was my mom I called every time I got scared or worried that something was wrong with the baby! It was my mom who got my Nana in town and kept it all from me in order to surprise me at my baby shower. It was my mom I called when I knew that the day had come for my delivery. It was my mom who held my hand in the hospital bed when I cried because the contractions hurt. It was my mom who took the first pictures of my son and saw him for the first time. It was my mom who came to see me in the hospital with a mask on because we were worried she might be sick but she couldn't stand to stay home. It was my mom who stayed with JD for the first time when Jimmy and I went car shopping. It was my mom that I called every time JD was sick or cutting a tooth and I needed to vent. And now...it's my mom who I call when I'm sad or upset. It's my mom I call when I need someone to calm me down after an argument with my husband. It's my mom I call when JD has run me crazy all day and I need a break. It's my mom I called when Jimmy's dad passed away and I needed to talk. It's my mom that takes my side when needed and makes me see the other side when I can't. It's my mom that makes my son's eyes light up the minute she walks in the door. It's mom that JD cries for when she has to leave. It's my mom on the phone when JD reaches for it and says, "KK"! It's my mom (and only my mom, not even me) that JD will let rock him to sleep. It's my mom that I will call when I find out I'm pregnant again. It's my mom that will do it all over again for another 9 months! It's my mom that will give me advice when Jimmy and I get angry at one another and want to give up. It's my mom who will always be there! It's my mom that I can only hope to be like.

I hope Taryn has a mommy figure that can help her. I hope she has someone she can go to for advice. This is one special girl and I will coninue to think about her today on the one year anniversary and for the many years to come!