Friday, January 12, 2007

Take Control

I just finished my morning bible study, which might I add is done with the music of Little Einsteins filling the background. This morning's study is one that I think I need to read daily. I'm going to reprint the homework just so I can cut out the paragraph I am referring too.

I have a little issue with control. I am with out a doubt, a control freak. This was one of the VERY first things that I thought of after my miscarriage. I could hear God whisper in my ear while rubbing my back just like a father does after a scraped knee, "Child, let me take control. This is out of your control." Which to some is wonderful news. My sister is the complete opposite of me in this aspect. She wants plans made for her. Tell her when to be somewhere, what time, and what to wear and bring and she has no problem coming through. The one barking these orders - Me! I have a special nickname among my husband and friends, especially on occasions when we have evening plans, the Time Nazi. I have a plan and I don't like it to be altered. bridesmaids, bless there hearts, received itineraries at the bridal luncheon in regards to the rehearsal dinner and big day. I think I went as far as warning them that I had backups, dare they be late! (Note to self: Tell those 7 beautiful ladies in your wedding that you love them and are so thankful they put up with you!) So you get the point...I like to be in control. This was no different with this last pregnancy. I took ovulation tests to get pregnant so that it would happen quickly if not immediately (which it did - apparently my ovaries are even scared of the Time Nazi). I planned the conception based on the fact I wanted a summer baby. This is of course so that I could throw big pool parties when he/she (I didn't have control over that part) was older. I wanted to be a cute pregnant woman in a bathing suit. I wanted to wear shorts instead of annoying banded maternity jeans!! Because I had so carefully planned these, I started my prenatal vitamins in October just to be ready; I got pregnant in November; I was due July 22. I knew what I was doing! Or so I thought...

I think that was the biggest shock when I found out. I kept thinking, "but I had this planned so was going according to plan." Which is true, it was going according to MY plan. My plan doesn't matter. You know that saying, "If you wanna hear God laugh, devise a plan". That thought ran through my head a gazillion times!

So I'm saying it now, for the record, because I'm now bonded to this through blogger! I don't want to be in control, but more importantly, I don't want to want to be in control. One of the things Beth repeated several times in the week one session is to pray for your desires to change. Don't live trying to push down and ignore those sinful desires, but pray for Him to change them. I want Him to change my desires. I'm being specific, I want Him to change my desire to control every situation, I want to be okay with not controlling the situation and then be okay when the plan changes regardless of who or how or it when it was made. I want to be made flexible.

I also want to be so filled with the Spirit that I don't have the need to make plans for myself or the desire to be in control I want my one and only desire to be that of serving the Lord. So please Father...take control. Make this woman, this wife, this mother yours....

1 comment:

Tammie said...

So sweet to find you on the blogging journey. That baby is absolutely precious!

Not sure if you remember me or not, but your mom and I did many of Bible studies together!

Loved reading your blog. I am so proud of you Stephanie!!