GuiDANCE

I'm not sure who this is written by, but I received it in an email from my cousin. I really enjoyed it...

Dancing With God

When I meditated on the word Guidance,
I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word.
I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
The movement doesn't flow with the music,
And everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.
When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,
Both bodies begin to flow with the music.
One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back
Or by pressing Lightly in one direction or another.
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
The dance takes surrender, willingness,
And attentiveness from one person
And gentle guidance and skill from the other.
My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw "G: I thought of God, followed by "u" and "I".
"God, "u" and "I" dance."
God, you, and I dance.
As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust
That I would get guidance about my life.
Once again, I became willing to let God lead.
My prayer for you today is that God's blessings
And mercies be upon you on this day and everyday.
May you abide in God as God
Abides in you.
Dance together with God, trusting God to lead
And to guide you through each season of your life.

What a night...

I will start off by saying I am WIPED OUT so please excuse any gramatical mistakes!!

We made another trip to the ER last night and still haven't fully recooperated!!

Yesterday afternoon (around 1:45) JD and I were at the kitchen table eating lunch. I had finished and was in the laundry room (which is right next to the breakfast area) and JD was in his booster seat (which is strapped to a chair - it's a tall bistro table so he sits like 4-1/2 feet or so off the ground) finishing up. He got his feet wedged between the chair and table and kicked off, sending the chair straight back with him strapped in. Of course, we have very hard tile floor (it's old tile with a million grout lines). I saw the fall but couldn't get to him in time - but managed to trip over the laundry basket and take a spill myself. He started SCREAMING immediatley!! There was no blood or bump, which made me nervous. I called my mom and sis-in-law and asked them what I should do. They are my "go-to-girls"! Afterall my mama's raised three kids, one being a complete accident-waiting-to-happen, so she's seen her share of emergency rooms. Aylie has two little ones so is a little more up-to-date on her info (no offense mama). They both said to keep a good eye on him for a while, but if he seems alert and didn't loose conciousness then he's probably fine. I held him forever and he finally calmed down. He seemed okay besides being a little shook up but was pretty coherent and able to answer simple questions (what color is this, what does a chicken say, where's your eyes, etc.). I kept him awake as long as possible (it was naptime already) and then finally let him fall asleep.

He woke around 4:30 and was fine all afternoon. He played like normal (maybe not quite as wound up) and was fine for several hours. Around 6:30 we got ready for dinner and I sat him at the table but he didn't want to eat. I let him get down and he played a bit more and then layed on the couch. Around 7 I checked on him and was gonna give him his vitamins when I saw how red his eyes were and could tell somthing was wrong. He immediately vommited (a bucket full) everywhere and then did the same a few minutes later. I knew this was a sign of a concussion so I kept watching him. I called my mom, Tim, and Aylie again. From then on he was pretty out of it, not lethargic but very out of it. He kept staring off and just layed on the chair in a daze.
He didn't want to take a bath and wouldn't eat or drink anything.

Jimmy and I decided to take him on in to the ER. We got there around 8:00 or so and got through triage quickly. He threw up 5 more times while we were there. They did a CT, which was a NIGHTMARE - JD SCREAMED the entire time. I don't know how my mom did it with Shannon so many times. My heart was just breaking for him. They had to mummy-wrap him in a sheet and then strap him to the table. He kept crying, "Mama Mama, hold you". After 4 or 5 attempts they let me take him back to the room, only to come get us a few minutes later because the images weren't good enough. This time it was daddy's turn - I couldn't take any more. Once the CT scan came back (30 minutes later) the didn't see any swelling so that was good. However, JD was still throwing everything he drank up and kinda in and out of it still. One minute he'd be taking and the next he'd been a complete daze with his head on my shoulder. They wanted to transfer us to Hermann Children's Hospital in the Medical Center downtown. They were going to do a second CT scan and continue to mointor him there, but in case of an emergency there would be a pediatric neurosurgeon on call (do you have any idea how SCARED I was). They advised us not to drive him and let the ambulance take him so they could continue to monitor him. Only one of us could ride with him, so Jimmy followed behind. They strapped me onto the stretcher and let JD sit in my lap. This of course was JD's favorite part and the whole time he kept saying, "Wow...lights". At one point we were talking to the EMT and driver and I asked JD, "Did you get a bobo on your head today?" He said, "Yes...No, No, No Chair...Be nice!!" It was soo cute, he had us all laughing at this point!

Once we got there is was another mess. Of course we weren't PRIORITY b/c JD wasn't bleeding or anything. For the first 45 minutes he SCREAMED for juice. We got several rude stares from the nursing staff - I was NOT happy. We were sharing a room with a 3 year old girl that had broken her leg. I've never had a broken leg so I never really knew what went on. Apparently her's was pretty bad. We got to watch them drill 2 bolts (with a yellow Dewalt drill) into her knee and then cut them with huge orange steel cutters. It was awful, this poor tiny girl! After an hour wait a doctor finally helped us let JD have so juice - PRAISE THE LORD!! He eventually trew that up as well. They did another CT at 3 a.m. (6 hours after the original) so poor JD was tortured again. After an hour of waiting we got the results. There still was no swelling, which was such a relief. It took so long for them to come and talk to us that I'd already assumed the worst. They sent us home (at 4) and told us we'd need to bring him back if he continued to throw up. I don't think I've ever been so relieved to strap my sweet boy in a car seat!!

JD woke up this morning around 10:45 and was just perfect!! He was my wild child all day today, making up for loss time!! He also had his mommy wrapped around his little fingers all day! He never threw up and ate a little better. I think he told his first fib as well. He was sitting in the kitchen coloring while I messed around in the kitchen. I heard him say, "All done" and knew he got up. A few minutes later I went over to clean up him markers and found a top with no marker attached. I went looking for him and found him in the office coloring the walls!! That little turd told me he was all done so that he could color on the wall!! I wasn't even mad, I was so happy he was up and moving around!!!

So as you can imagine, the last 36 hours have been a nightmare. I was soo scared. It's funny because as much as you want to protect your children from every bump and bruise, it's such a reminder of how much you NEED and LOVE them. I've never doubted this with JD, but it was a friendly, okay...more like a awful, scary reminder to not take a minute for granite!!!

It's been a week...

It's official...JD is a 2 year old. It's been an entire week since his birthday and we are showing our two's like never before!

JD's Interests at the Moment:
- blowing out candles (this might be labeled as an "obsession" as well)
- his loveys (blog coming soon...)
- T-Bee as he pronounces it (his favorite shows are Little Einsteins, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, JoJo's Circus and Handy Manny)
- suckers (he's a sucker for DumDums)
- blowing his nose
- crying at the backdoor because it's STILL raining outside
- new friends

JD's Current Dislikes:
- baths (after two bathtub pooping incidents, he's not very fond of it right now...but there is light at the end of this tunnel; I can already see it thanks to all the new fun bath toys he has)
- diapers (we are STILL fighting over this)
- being told "No"

JD had a very good birthday this year. We had it at the Ruckus Room, where we rented out two rooms full of moon walks and the like for him. He played so hard. My normally shy, stand-offish child was in the middle of it all. His cheeks were so red because him and his CRAZY cousin were going 90 to nothing!! It was a lot of fun and JD had a BLAST!


JD's Mischka Mouse (as he says it) Cake


JD having a BLAST jumping with his cousins


JD sliding - can we say, no fear?


JD and his KK


JD and FuFu


JD Blowing out the candles...only his FAVORITE part of the day!


Yummm...cake!


A VERY sleepy Uncle Kev and JD after the party

We were back at the Ruckus Room today for my neice's birthday! Lexi turned 5, which blows my mind. She is such an amazing little girl and I only hope I have a little one like here one day! Being her favorite Aunt (well, next to Aunt Lynn), I of course had to spoil her rotten. I bought a pink caboodle (yes, they still make them) and filled in with tons of make-up, press-on nails, nail polish, and hair stuff! I had so much fun shopping for her!! Tonight, we are having a big-girl slumber party at her house!! Lexi, Lezlie, FuFu, Aylie and I are all attending!!


Lezlie (JD's best bud) and JD


My other girly to shop for


The Birthday Girl


Nicky - or the TANK as we usually call him

Here are is one more picture of my little guy. What a stud! His shirt says, "Future Heartbreaker" - so true!

Take Control

I just finished my morning bible study, which might I add is done with the music of Little Einsteins filling the background. This morning's study is one that I think I need to read daily. I'm going to reprint the homework just so I can cut out the paragraph I am referring too.

I have a little issue with control. I am with out a doubt, a control freak. This was one of the VERY first things that I thought of after my miscarriage. I could hear God whisper in my ear while rubbing my back just like a father does after a scraped knee, "Child, let me take control. This is out of your control." Which to some is wonderful news. My sister is the complete opposite of me in this aspect. She wants plans made for her. Tell her when to be somewhere, what time, and what to wear and bring and she has no problem coming through. The one barking these orders - Me! I have a special nickname among my husband and friends, especially on occasions when we have evening plans, the Time Nazi. I have a plan and I don't like it to be altered. Haha...my bridesmaids, bless there hearts, received itineraries at the bridal luncheon in regards to the rehearsal dinner and big day. I think I went as far as warning them that I had backups, dare they be late! (Note to self: Tell those 7 beautiful ladies in your wedding that you love them and are so thankful they put up with you!) So you get the point...I like to be in control. This was no different with this last pregnancy. I took ovulation tests to get pregnant so that it would happen quickly if not immediately (which it did - apparently my ovaries are even scared of the Time Nazi). I planned the conception based on the fact I wanted a summer baby. This is of course so that I could throw big pool parties when he/she (I didn't have control over that part) was older. I wanted to be a cute pregnant woman in a bathing suit. I wanted to wear shorts instead of annoying banded maternity jeans!! Because I had so carefully planned these, I started my prenatal vitamins in October just to be ready; I got pregnant in November; I was due July 22. I knew what I was doing! Or so I thought...

I think that was the biggest shock when I found out. I kept thinking, "but I had this planned so well...it was going according to plan." Which is true, it was going according to MY plan. My plan doesn't matter. You know that saying, "If you wanna hear God laugh, devise a plan". That thought ran through my head a gazillion times!

So I'm saying it now, for the record, because I'm now bonded to this through blogger! I don't want to be in control, but more importantly, I don't want to want to be in control. One of the things Beth repeated several times in the week one session is to pray for your desires to change. Don't live trying to push down and ignore those sinful desires, but pray for Him to change them. I want Him to change my desires. I'm being specific, I want Him to change my desire to control every situation, I want to be okay with not controlling the situation and then be okay when the plan changes regardless of who or how or it when it was made. I want to be made flexible.


I also want to be so filled with the Spirit that I don't have the need to make plans for myself or the desire to be in control I want my one and only desire to be that of serving the Lord. So please Father...take control. Make this woman, this wife, this mother yours....

...patience...

How do you teach a child (okay, a 2 year old) patience? This is something I have been struggling with for a few days. I know he's too young to understand it, but is there something I can be doing now to help him? I have looked this up in books and kinda come up empty. I'm trying to set a better example for him (something I have been praying about daily), but can I do anything more?

I try to make him wait for a minutes after asking for something, but then he starts whining. For example, this morning I was doing my bible study when he asked "more please". He was out of juice and asked very nicely for more. I said okay and set the juice down just long enough for me to remove the two Bibles from my lap and the binder holding my study. JD immediately started throwing a fit, not understanding that it takes a second to stand up. I thought ok...if I make him wait to try and teach him to be patient he's just going to whine and cry. Once I finally get the drink he's going to think that by whining and crying he gets his way. So what's a mom to do...

Patience is a gift from God. This I can personally attest to. It is also an inherited trait, just one more reason to set that example. I inhertied my dad's patience, which isn't something to brag about. Luckily, I have a little of my mom thrown in so I'm not a complete lost cause. There's also the big man upstairs on my side, so maybe I'll eventually get this right. As I've mentioned before, I am doing a study about the fruit of the spirit, one of those being patience. I can't wait until we study that part of the spirit by itself. I know God will open my eyes even more. Until then...I will keep praying for not only my patience but for the patience of my little one.

Colossians 1:11-12
being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father...

Galatians 5:22
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Against such things there is no law.

Colossians 3:12
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

Why is it that when I tell someone JD's age I get that look. You know...the one that says "I'm sorry" and "God help you" all in one. It's the same look reserved for daughter's caring for there ill parents or for the man holding an empty leash with a dog running wild through Petco. It's the one I give my Nana when my PawPaw calls for the 7th time while we are at the grocery store. It's the same look you give a woman with a child throwing a tantrum in the mall. Why is it that the smallets mention of a toddler makes everyone nod sympathetically and say, "Oh...terrible toes!" For once I'd like to hear, "And this to shall pass" or "Don't worry, you're doing a great job". Or even better, "You'll miss it when it's gone". Since when did a child exploring his environment or a child testing boudaries become terrible twos? Why not just the "Twos" or the "Terrific Twos" or "even "Trying Twos" would be better that terrible! Maybe this bothers me because I'm a "glass half full" kind of girl. I might have my negative moments but they last only a few days and come around once a month! It's not just the looks and comments made by strangers, it's the books as well. I can't tell you how many books I've read that warn mothers of this stage. Why not encourage them? There are far more exciting things about toddler-hood than awful things! Don't get me wrong...it's hard. Some days I think it's the hardest thing I've ever done, and I thought Chemistry was REALLY hard. But it doesn't lasts...it takes a few "God grant me some patience right now (talk about hypocritical) pleeeaaasseee" and a quick evaluation of the situation and it can be taken care of. For example, my sweet darling of a child has a small obsession with m&m's. By small I mean HUGE and I mean CONSTANT. He usually asks for them when he wakes up (we don't even have any and haven't for several days) and I say 'no". I then distract him with milk. A few hours later he comes calling again...for, you guessed it, m&m's. I tell him "all gone" and distract him with a game. Before dinner, he once again asks for m&m's, and this time we color. My point is...it just takes a little patience and a lot of distraction...wait, I mean A LOT of patience and a little distraction!!! Oh, and some encouragement from others would be nice!

On another note...

We had a wonderful Christmas. JD enjoyed it so much this year and has mastered the art of gift-opening. I am blessed to have a family that I love spending every minute with. My Nana and PawPaw came in town and JD was so happy to see them. He has become quite fond of PawPaw which tickles me to death. The first 18-months of JD's life my PawPaw tried very hard to play with him. He'd constantly try and hold him or play with him, but JD would have none of it. He cried every time my PawPaw (yes, I know I refer to them as MY NANA and MY PAWPAW - it's a habit which I can't seem to break. Shannon and Jimmy give me a hard time!! Afterall, it's there Nana and PawPaw too) picked him up and would run the minute he called his name. He was much more of a Nana's boy. This has all changed!! One morning when my Nana was over, she went to JD's room to get him and as soon as she walked in he took one look at her and asked for PawPaw. She fussed a few minutes but deep down I know she loves it too!!!

Here are a few pictures of our Christmas celebrations...


JD's gifts from Santa


Helping JD with his presents


Hmmm...where do I begin?


JD and his cousin Nicky


The Three Cousins


The 26th at my Mom's house...I know...it's a ridiculous amount of presents!




PawPaw, Me, JD, and Nana


My handsome brothers - Dustin, Matt, and Eric


My BEST Friend


We had a wonderful New Years Eve spent at home with family. We went to my sister-in-law's for New Years Day. My mom, Tim, Matt, and Shan joined us. It's so awesome that we do so much as a WHOLE family!!

Before I close...I wanted to update everyone on JD. He's talking up a storm. I LOVE it. As hard as toddler-hood can be, it is so much fun. So to all my friends with young ones...don't be afraid. It's tough and there will be days when you want to throw your hands up and scream, but the days in between make it all worth it!!! There's a great book available about the toddler years and I'm reading it right now. It's very encouraging rather than scary and it has a ton of info!! It's written for the second and third years...so from age one until they turn 3. It's called The Mother of All Toddler Books by Ann Douglas! Read it!!

Anyways...back to JD. He's really mastering the talking. This morning when I went to his room (at 9:00 might I add) to get him out of bed he said, "I pooped, it stinks!" Does this classify as a 4-word sentence or two 2-word sentences??? It was too cute...and yes, he was right. He did poop and it did stink!!! He also has a new obsession with his KK. It's actually pretty bad. This evening when I out him to bed he cried for 45-minutes (I know....I'm awful, but he's fighting me when it comes to sleeping) before I got him out. When I went in there he was crying for his KK. He continued to cry/scream until my mom got on the phone and talked to him. Matt actually answered the phone so there was about a 2 minute delay before my mom got on, all the while JD was screaming, kicking, and yanking my arm to get the phone. As soon as, and I mean literally the second JD heard KK's voice he quited down. He talked to her for a few minutes...literally talking which we understood little of. He sure loves her. We have to make several calls a day to her just so he can talk to her. It warms my mom's heart, and my too once he settles down!!!

One more picture of JD...

Maybe if I smile big she won't notice the pile of Cheerios on the floor!?

God is good...

God is so good.

As many people already know, my family and I were dealt a hard blow on December 19th. I went to the doctor for my first prenatal visit and learned that we had lost the baby. This came as quite a shock, I guess you never quite expect something like that. I didn't. Everyone has asked how I took it. Well...I tried not to cry at first. I'm not sure why. I mean...that's a situation that calls for tears. I'm a cryer. EVERY episode of Grey's Anatomy doesn't warrant tears, but losing a baby at 9 weeks...tears are okay. I'm still not sure why I tried to not cry. Of course this only lasted a few seconds and then here they came. Jimmy was there, thank God, but I don't know his expression because I couldn't look at his face. Another wierd thing. I didn't want to cry or look at him. Maybe I didn't want to look at him and start crying, or maybe I didn't want to see him sad, or maybe I didn't want pity. I think the latter is probably the biggest reason. Why do we not want to be pitied? I felt like Izzie on Grey's after Denny died and the only words she uttered was, "I'm okay". I felt like I've said that phrase 100 times if not more in the last 2 weeks. Gosh...has it only been two weeks? Of course the difference is, Izzie wasn't okay, but I am. Here I go trying to convince everyone but I really am. It's almost stranger being okay than not. I shouldn't be yet, but I am. I cried a lot the first week, but now...I'm doing pretty darn well. Before I loose everyone...let me explain why.

Monday (the 18th) I emailed a dear friend of mine Amanda Jones (http://jacksonjones.blogspot.com/) asking for a bible study recommendation. I have spent the last few weeks yearning for something more. I grew up in church, but ever since I had the choice to go as opposed to being dragged out of bed, fussed at to hurry up, and then starved for a couple of hours while I tried to stay awake during sermon, I've stayed home. Of course I make an appearance at Easter and Mother's Day, but as far as every Sunday....not so much. Anyways...to say the least I have missed it. JD goes to The Met for MDO and I've attended a few Sunday's there, but not as a regular. So...it had been on my heart to do some damage-control and work on this relationship with Christ. Thanks to Mrs. Amanda's advice I started the Fruit of the Spirit study. It felt good and I believed Beth when she looked in the camera and said, "You are doing this study right now because you need it in your life right now". Of course, I assumed this was because I was tired, and becoming impatient, and needed a pick-me up! Little did I know that within 24 hours life as I knew it would change for my family.

I shared this story not because I have few things to write about right now, but because here I am 2 weeks later completely blown away. I haven't been quite as dedicated as I'd like to be the last few weeks, but this is partially due to family in town and a son who's trying to kick the daily nap habit. JD starts back MDO tomorrow and I can hardly wait to watch my week 2 video. God is more than amazing...he's heart-stirring. I love that word...I used the Thesaurus. Anyways...my heart has been stirred. I may not ever understand why this baby that Jimmy and I were so excited about was taken, but I do understand that it was God taking control. He might have done it for no other reason that to get my undivided attention, and that is as good of a reason as any. He has it....I'm here...I'm ready for whatever work He's about to do in my life. I pray for my undivided attention, for the daily discipline, and for the time-management skills I'll need on a daily basis. I know God will make this happen.

He is SO good.